now i'm not against tween literature - hell, i'll talk harry potter all night with someone given the chance. but a mormon housewife knows nothing about vampires or horror novels, and writing one should be at the bottom of her list of things to do.
if you haven't read the books - and i'll be honest, i haven't - then here's your basic summary. girl falls in love with vampire boy. they decide - completely discounting the basic sense of eroticism in the archetype of the vampire - that sex is just not in the cards for them and it's better if they wait to bone while he fights evil vampires, etc. it's like the fucking jonas brothers with fangs.
i was okay ignoring all of that and pretty much just pretending that it didn't exist, like i do with most popular music and movies. i would rant a bit if one of my friends brought it up, but i tried my damndest to just forget abou it overall. until chud.com linked to an article with Entertainment Weekly where they interviewed the writer to get some insight into her brilliance. and i can't ignore it any longer.
first they asked her - as a writer of vampire fiction - what she thought of bram stoker's dracula. seems like an easy question for someone that writes that genre. her answer? she hasn't read it but it's on her list of things that she'll get to at some point.
let's back that statement up. she writes stories about vampires...shitty stories, but vampire stories nonetheless, and she can't be bothered to read one of the seminal texts on the subject. it's on her fucking to-do list next to counting the millions that she made raping what is already an almost dead genre. i'm sure she'll get around to it though...
they then move on to movies. surely she's familiar with the concept of the vampire in cinema - especially since we know that she didn't get anything from books. nope. nada. not happening. she doesn't watch r-rated movies because she's mormon. and then it gets really good, and here's where my brain almost exploded.
she tried (tried!) to watch interview with a vampire once, but she only made it about 10 minutes into it before she turned it off...it was - and i fucking quote - "yuck".
in fact i'm going to quote this entire section, because i want you to see the level of "i don't give a fuck about what came before me" that this woman puts out to the universe:
"I've seen little pieces of Interview with a Vampire when it was on TV, but I kind of always go YUCK! I don't watch R-rated movies, so that really cuts down on a lot of the horror. And I think I've seen a couple of pieces of The Lost Boys, which my husband liked, and he wanted me to watch it once, but I was like, It's creepy!"
that's right. this fucking "writer" - and i use that word loosely - doesn't read vampire fiction, and can't even stand to watch a horror movie because they're too scary for her. and we've made this woman a millionaire. made hollywood a metric fuck-ton of money pandering to the tweens. we've shoved mormon propaganda down children's throats masquerading as a vampire love story, and ripped the balls off of a creature that used to terrify people before we let assholes like this woman neuter them. and no one fucking cares.
(rob)
1 comment:
I completely fucking agree. The lady friend's ex roommate read that shit like it was crack from a typewriter and saw the movie.
What a shitty book / movie series.
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